Saturday Morning Reflections

FIVE * Saturday

  1. I woke at 3:33 again and couldn’t stop thinking about her. I went to her room to sit. I opened the window and listened to the night sounds. I reminisced about days gone by. The moon was three quarters full and oh-so-beautiful and bright.
  2. Grumpy upon waking, not in an outward way, not toward someone or thing, just a general dissatisfaction. A feeling I’ve come to know well over the past year. Made the bed and the tea. Came outside to sit, reflect, listen, and write. Bodhi is to the left of me watching the morning. The other two are in their bed.
  3. He mowed the grass last night. I made myself a cosmo and sat on the porch. He looked over and I raised my glass. We sat together when he finished, until the mosquitoes became too much. In bed by 9:30p.
  4. I told him about the guy at the grocery store. Maybe I don’t look as old as I think. He was attractive and probably younger than me. I told him that. I told him we all have attractions to other people; it’s natural. But I also told him I couldn’t imagine life with anyone else. We have it good together. We genuinely like each other; love each other too. I don’t want to start over. That sounds like work. I asked him if he was happy. “Yes.”
  5. He left early for chicken feed. I called to tell him to get paper towels and a new rug.
  6. I’ll spend this day like I do most of my free time these days — in nature, writing, reading, reflecting. I’ll go for a hike too.
  7. Company comes later, not sure how many. Just a small gathering on the 19. It’s nice to be able to entertain, to share our beautiful hOMe with others.
  8. My face is still peeling. I bought a loofah last night.
  9. I see the rigidity in everything I do. I want to change. I’ve wanted to change for a while now. I feel stuck and stifled by who I am.
  10. I opened a question to the Universe on my walk yesterday. “Should I put my book out into the world?” I waited for a sign, an answer. The first thing I spotted were the power lines overhead, power lines that have been there every day when I’ve walked that route though I never noticed them before. Fear settled as I walked under them. I hope they don’t snap and electricute me, I thought. And then, what a silly thought. The answer to my book question though. Thoughts have energy and they come from somewhere. Fear is the only thing stopping me.
  11. Another butterfly. Just one this morning, now two. I probably saw a hundred yesterday.